Sunny Side Up
by GlitterFrog
Summary: One morning, Sweeney decides that he's sick of Mrs. Lovett's incessant cheeriness. He decides to give her a taste of her own medicine... Contains (extremely) sarcastic!Sweeney. Just a pinch of Sweenett, naturally. Oneshot.


Sunny Side Up

Light footsteps flitted up the creaky steps, delivering a death blow to Sweeney's dream. "Oh, Mister To-odd…" _Not again._

The bell over the door jangled. A hearty smell of something warm wafted in. "I've something yummy for youuuu…" _Did the woman have the slightest __**inkling**__ as to how __annoying__ she was?_

Dishes clicked onto his nightstand. The light footsteps flitted closer. Before she could open her mouth again, Sweeney snapped upright into a sitting position and plastered on a Cheshire grin so big that his cheeks immediately began to protest.

"Well, TOP of the morning to you, Mrs. Lovett!" He sprang out of bed onto sheet-wrinkled feet, stretched his arms as far as they would go, and inhaled so deeply that it felt like jets of flame were shooting up his sinuses.

"Mm-MM! And will you smell that deeeelightful homecooked breakfast-" He clasped his hands to the side of his face like a lovestruck princess in a penny dreadful. "-Just for me!"

Still grinning unnaturally, the demon barber whirled around to face his accomplice and snatched her hands. He crushed her to his shoulder and twirled her around the room in a dizzying waltz. When she was finally turned loose, Mrs. Lovett sat down heavily on Sweeney's bed. Had the bed been further than three wobbly steps away, the baker would have fallen onto the floor.

Sweeney skipped over to his nightstand, snatched up a couple of his blades, and held them up to the grimy window. "Aren't my friends looking exceptionally shiny today!"

The introverted psycho hugged them to his chest, twirled in a circle, and did his best imitation of a carefree giggle. He set the razors down, fluffed a hand flirtatiously through his bed-headed mop of tangles, and planted a hand on his hip in mock concern.

"Why, Mrs. Lovett! If y' don't watch yourself, you're going to float away on the next passing breeze!" He spread his hands in the air to give the impression of something (or someone) floating.

The moment his landlady opened her mouth, he jammed a forkful of eggs between her lips. "Put some skin on those bones of yours, my love!"

He stuffed various bits of his breakfast into the tiny redhead until she looked quite ill. "There- now that's better, innit!"

He drew close to her side, taking the opportunity to audibly sniff her hair. Sweeney placed both hands on her shoulders and brought his face so close to hers that they could practically count each others' pores.

"Well, Toby's doubtless wondering wot's become of ya- won't you come downstairs with me? Won't ya won't ya won't ya won't ya won't ya?"

Without waiting for a response, the barber swept her onto his shoulders and charged across the room. Mrs. Lovett screamed as the top of her head missed the door frame by maybe a quarter-inch. She kept screaming as Sweeney skipped down the stairs.

"M-Mister Todd! Yer a madman!"

"Wheeeee!" shrieked Sweeney.

He skidded into the shop. "'Ello, Toby!" Toby's head snapped up. "And top of the morning to you, my boy!" The barber crowed.

Toby backed away slowly, fingers feeling along the counter for his mum's flour-stained rolling pin. Sweeney set Mrs. Lovett down only to pull her into a corset-popping squeeze. "Aren't we all just one big happy family!"

He kissed the baker full on the lips and watched her rapidly turn the same shade as the eye-popping lace on her bodice. His neck and ears felt fairly hot as well…perhaps he'd overdone it on the skipping and twirling. He hastily released the baker from his hug.

"And aren't we lucky to 'ave this shop, and this _luvverly_ new wallpaper, and all our _** fine**_customers…who knows? Per'aps we ken go get sunburnt with the gulls and have sand down our bathing suits 'fore the year is out!"

He blew kisses to all corners of the shop and waved at the shell-shocked duo before him like he was trying to flag them down from a quarter-mile away. "Farewell, all! I'm off to change out of these pajamas-" (Why _had_ he come downstairs in his long johns?) "-And ready myself for another day of stimulatin', enriching work!"

The barber wagged his finger at Mrs. Lovett in a display of severity. "And you _must_ promise that we'll go for a stroll in the park once we've both closed up."

He extended one arm to indicate Toby, smiling with every bit of his face (even his forehead). "-As a **family**!"

Sweeney skipped out of the room, feeling four stunned eyes on the back of his head . As he made for the stairs, the messy-haired psychopath belted out, "Ooooh, by the seeeeea! Wouldn't that be-"

When he reached 'smashing', Sweeney overcalculated his last skip and cracked his head against the wall. * * * *

When the demon barber came to, he found that Mrs. Lovett had called a doctor. Said doctor's orders were that Sweeney was to stay in bed and take a spoonful of castor oil every two hours. _That bloody woman doesn't know the first thing about __sarcasm__, _he silently steamed. But as the baker cheerfully poured out another vile serving of the loathsome medicine and allowed her little white hand to linger on his forehead even _after_ she declared that he wasn't running a temperature, Sweeney couldn't help but wonder if he mightn't be wrong.

A/N: And revengey!Nellie closes this oneshot. There are no words to express just how much fun I had writing this. (Lots of giggles were shed at most inopportune times- oh, dear) If you enjoyed this too, or have other feedback, please leave a review- I'd really (wait for it- wait for the painful pun…) Lovett! (groan)


End file.
